Happy Mother's Day

She will always be there to kiss it better.

Our mothers know the right thing to say and the right thing to do for us to heal when we are young. Their healing words and deeds help to create happy, healthy and whole lives for us as we move from scrapes and cuts to greater challenges that we face.

This is what makes motherhood a sacred part of our society. Besides the American flag and apple pie, it is our mothers we celebrate as part and parcel of our very existence as citizens. But what is it about our mothers that inspires such heartfelt emotions and causes us to shout “Hi, Mom!” when we are on camera. What is it about our mothers that allows us to fight to the death should someone besmirch their reputations?

Wherever we stand with our mothers or where they reside in this universe, we are their living legacy. Whether because of them or in spite of them, it is up to us to create a new world for us and our children.

They nursed us. They fed us. They clothed us. They introduced us to all we know about ourselves and our humanity. They truly do work for a higher power. Even when they feel powerless to fight the greater challenges in our lives, they continue to help in whatever way they can.

We are their pride and joy and they are our foundation forevermore. And the greatest gift a mother can receive in return is gratitude expressed for their labors, their sacrifices and their love on our behalf.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Big brother is waiting...

This Saturday evening was much more loaded with anticipation for an only child who attended kindergarten down the block and lived alone with two loving parents. His father was out to sea and his grandmother flew down from Ohio. Having moved from his birth state of California, Florida was a stable new home for him and there were no major upheavals in his early life save the passing of his maternal grandmother. As his own mother grew in size and great with child, he was puzzled by this impending arrival. He was astonished that there was somebody growing inside this magical oven. He rubbed his mother's tummy in hope of feeling a kick or a nudge from the newest Meeks. The day came on a Monday when his mother was spirited away to hospital and he pondered the scene of the delivery. He was going to be a big brother. He was going to be an elder in his own home with lessons and joys to share with this bright, new sibling. The brand new girl came into the house much smaller than I had anticipated, as I announced to my mother and grandmother that she was too small to play with yet! New life entered my home and, suddenly my home became our home. My parents became our parents. My world became our world. Ashlee Ja'Near Meeks meant an expansion in my world and growth in my spirit. Thirty-three years later, I think back to that weekend of waiting. Thirty-three years later, I remember the door opening. Thirty-three years later, I am still a boy who is proud to be a big brother. I love you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

FTW

Back in ancient times when I had a MySpace page, I wondered electronically about the possibility of being a failure as I approached my mid-30s. I was still single, had no children and rented an apartment in suburban Jacksonville.

To gain a greater perspective on my imagined competition that was causing my feelings of defeat, let's go back to the beginning. When I was spending the summer with my cousins in South Carolina and Maryland, we all played summer games on a level playing field. Although I was not the most physically coordinated child, I enjoyed our hide-and-go-seek, our foot races, and our youthful adventures.

Over the years, however, I felt like I was trapped in amber like a fossil while my generation lived their lives. They had children, they got married and they had more children. I felt great shame because I brought nothing to the table as my mother's side of the family was expanding and I seemed to be stagnating. My parents and maternal aunts and uncles were rightfully proud of the new blood in the family and I was simply becoming an irrelevant relic.

This seems to be the American way, right? We are always struggling to keep up with the Jonses to accumulate the most things in life. Yes, the two-car garage and the white picket fence figure in to that all as well, but I have struggled to be happy with myself unconditionally. Once I stop comparing myself to others, I know, I will be truly happy with all that I have and will stop seeking to be someone else.

Easier said than done. LOL!

This is the most frustrating part of my spiritual journey. I have spent much of my youth seeking approval from others. Although I know that it was to help me strive to be a better person, I still remember the times that my mother told me that I could not do anything right and that I was lazy. This admonishment has been a motivator and an albatross to be at the same time. Narcotics may never get the best of me, but the desire for approval and the desire to be liked have become my most incorrigible addictions.

I realize that the point of being on the path is to finally overcome and transcend, but some quests are more challenging than others for me. Between having a sister who is engaged to be married and a cousin who is expecting his fourth child, it does not seem to matter what I can do in life because I have failed in establishing a meaningful family of my own.

I bet you are asking why I am even writing this blog entry if there is no handy resolution to my situation. I guess it is out of my own understanding that this imperfect world will yield resolutions in its own time. As I pick up the puzzle pieces, I will find clarity as long as I realize that I have more growing to do and do not give up in my search for wholeness.

In the meantime, my mission is to teach myself and others that single does not have to mean lonely. I am grateful for the circle of friends that I have developed over the years through my school, my church, my work and my travels. And, in a time when single adults are outnumbering married adults, I dare say that I have become the Joneses in a weird way. But this does not matter as much as following my own bliss. Then, I will have truly won. FOR THE WIN